Women Venturing Into The Unknown

As the sun beamed behind Half Dome across from me I sat in my portaledge, five pitches up on Skull Queen, paralyzed by the fear of being alone. I peaked my head over the frayed edge of my old A5 portaledge and looked down six hundred feet to the base of Washington Column. Feeling disappointed in myself, I turned over. I closed my eyes and nestled in my sleeping bag shaking a bit from the tears streaming from my eyes. I didn’t want to go up or down. It was the morning of my third day and I didn’t want to move ─ I was scared that I didn’t have what it took to solo a big wall.

Only a few days before, the sun was painting pastel colors in the sky lighting up the granite landscape of Half Dome one last time before setting beyond the valley. Perched close to the edge on top of the southeast face of El Capitan, a few climbers took in the sunset show as they huddled around waiting for their girlfriends to emerge over the top of Zodiac. Awaiting their arrival, I sat among these friends ready to celebrate their accomplishment of climbing the Zodiac–in-a-day (ZIAD). As they topped out on the route, they crept over the edge tired yet beaming with excitement. This was the first time an all-female team had completed the ZIAD and we were all very excited. We soaked in the special moment, munching on snacks and sharing stories.

Jane Jackson nears the top of Zodiac.

As we walked down the descent trail back to the valley floor, I contemplated these ladies’ tenacity and humility and wondered if I too could reach further and push through my own insecurities and self-doubt by climbing a big wall solo. I asked Alexa Flower, one of the team members, about her drive to climb big walls and she said “the main reason why big wall climbing appeals to me is that it puts me out of my comfort zone and sets me in a place where I am pushing through self-doubt and into new boundaries. Accomplishing something that your mind tells you cannot be done is very empowering.” As I departed the group at El Capitan meadow, I drove back to the Climber Steward site in North Pines, and went to bed inspired and curious.

Skull Queen, I sang, laughed, cried, screamed, and climbed up your beautiful face and fell in love with being alone in the silence of the vertical wilderness ─ thank you.

The next day, I spent some time reading The View from the Edge: Life and Landscapes of Beverly Johnson. I couldn’t help but feel awed and inspired by Bev’s solo ascent of The Dihedral Wall in 1978, which notably was the first female solo of El Capitan. All of these females now, and in the past, were silently urging me to do the same ─ to try something that seemed impossible and push through internal boundaries. I couldn’t resist any longer. I needed to push past my comfort zone, pack my bags and venture into the unknown.

Beverly Johnson

On the morning of June 18, 2018, I trudged up the steep climber’s trail with a few friends who graciously helped me carry my vertical camping gear to the base of Skull Queen, a twelve pitch 5.8 C2 aid route on Washington Column. My goal for the day was to get as high as possible, but as soon as I started, I realized how little I knew about aid soloing. This particular form of climbing involves leading a pitch, fixing the lead line and haul line at the top of the pitch, rappelling down to release the haul bag, ascending the fixed lead line to clean all the gear placed when leading the pitch, hauling the bag up to the new high point and finally stacking all the ropes to get ready for the next pitch to do it all over again. I struggled my way up the first three pitches that first day and set up my portaledge on Dinner Ledge as the sun went down. I looked across towards Half Dome and fell asleep only to be awakened every few minutes by the ringtail cat that called Dinner Ledge its home.

On the second day, I started on the classic Kor Roof pitch a bit tired from the sleepless night. I made a few mistakes that slowed me down and was starting to feel out of my league. I began contemplating the idea of bailing. On top of that, I had only seen two people on a route adjacent to me the entire time I was on route and I felt very alone. Just before evening, I started leading the sixth pitch and got scared placing a small piece of gear a few moves from the start of the pitch. Delirious, I decided to down-aid back to my portaledge to go to sleep and bail the next morning. I passed out with my eyes full of tears.

The next day I woke up with the sun rising behind Half Dome. As I was crying in my sleeping bag trying to muster up the courage to continue on, I opened up Beverly Johnson’s biography and was inspired by these words:

“It took her ten days to climb the wall. Her motivation had been in the journey, not the achievement. Beverly had chosen a life defined by the explorer’s maxim, driven by the process of discovering rather than the triumph of discovery. But that life had hard edges. Though she experienced ten days in the middle of a sea of rock blanketed by an ocean of sun and stars, she emerged on the summit smiling but exhausted, victorious but scarred.”

Nearing the top of Skull Queen

As I read those words, I realized why I was doing this wall by myself. I was curious and wanted to explore the vertical wilderness as well as see what I was capable of doing. I wanted to learn and struggling was a part of that process. I abruptly sat up and smiled ─ I was going to figure this out. I packed up my things, rationed my water for the next two days and started up on the pitch that I was scared of the day before. Singing “One step at a time, there’s no need to worry”, I made my way up the next three pitches watching the trees shrink below me. I had a newfound energy inspired by the ladies who had come before me and pushed their limits on the walls of Yosemite. I even had the courage to laugh when I took a small aid whip on pitch eight when the rock crumbled under my bodyweight. Flying through the air, I knew I was the only one there and I just had to jug back up the rope and keep going. That evening, I set up my portaledge camp for the night only four pitches from the top and fell asleep excited yet thirsty and scared.

On the fourth and last day, I woke up before sunrise, climbed the last few pitches to the top and finally crawled to the summit beaming with excitement. Even though it took me a slow four days to figure everything out, I had overcome my fears and embraced the process of learning as so many women had before me.